ACT I
Scene 1
A man in a tight-fitting black suit sits at a table with his side to the audience, reading a newspaper. the front of his suit is a dark burgundy. Every now and again CAPTAIN PICARD turns a page, but he gives the audience to ackowledgement of their existence. The stage is a room, sparsely decorated and rather drab. Bare light bulbs illuminate the man at the table.
A door at the back of the stage opens and another man enters dressed in long grey robbes, a pointy hat and a long beard. GANDALF turns to the wall and takes his hat off and hangs it on a hook next to the door.
Captain Picard looks up from his paper.
Captain picard
Morn'
GANDALF turns around and nods at CAPTAIN PICARD. He puts up his cape and joins PICARD at the table. He sits down.
Gandalf
Morn'
PICARD turns to another page of his paper. GANDALF contemplates his finger nails for a while, using a small pocket knife to rid himself of the dirt he discovers underneath his finger nails. PICARD turns to another page.
GANDALF
No chance of a coffee then?
PICARD lowers his paper and looks over the rim at GANDALF. He is wearing heavy-rimmed reading glasses on the tip of his nose. He looks over the top of them and raises his eyebrows.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Hm?
GANDALF moves in his seat.
GANDALF
Coffee?
PICARD lifts his paper back into its original position.
CAPTAIN PICARD
(mumbling)
That question is as ridiculous as that outfit
GANDALF smoothes the fabric of his robe. PICARD continues reading. GANDALF holds his sleeve up to his face and squints before picking a piece of fluf off the fabric. He carefully rolls it into a tiny little ball and puts it on the table in front of him.
GANDALF
So no coffee then.
PICARD makes a show of folding up the newspaper. He sets it down on the table making the ball of fluff fall off
GANDALF wheezes as he bends double to pick the ball of fluff back up. He sets it back on the table where it was sitting before and straightens his back.
PICARD looks at him over his glasses. He then takes them off and sets them down carefully and deliberately next to the newspaper. He smoothes the paper down neatly.
CAPTAIN PICARD
No, there's not a bean of sorts in this hell hole to be found.
GANDALF sits up.
GANDALF
Not one?
CAPTAIN PICARD
Not one.
GANDALF
You're serious?
CAPTAIN PICARD
Deadly.
GANDALF slumps back in his chair.
CAPTAIN PICARD
You were late.
GANDALF looks at his hands again.
GANDALF
Burst water mains.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Really?
GANDALF
Yup.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Again?
GANDALF
So it seems.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Do you attract these things?
GANDALF
What do you mean?
CAPTAIN PICARD
Well
(strechting it long)
PICARD crosses his legs.
GANDALF
Are you insinuating something?
CAPTAIN PICARD
I wouldn't dare.
GANDALF
Oh. Good.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Not that you scare me or something, though...
GANDALF
(impatiently)
What is it this time?
CAPTAIN PICARD
Oh nothing. It's just that these days people look a little odd at old men in wide robes.
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