Last week I was confronted with my goals and wishes as they were when I started therapy about 9 months ago. There was little more to do but laugh about them and how they relate to now. I get to go on without the training wheels.
Oddly, it feels like hard work now that I'm officially declared sane enough to be left to my own devices. It's been a lot of Me Me Me Show* which I suppose is a necessary thing to deal with the Not Me Not Me Not Me Show** of the last years. Now it's more or less dealt with and every day has become more about NOW and how to make that work instead of the What If's of yesteryear, and about finding balance... Right.
Balance is not my best quality, which you would be able to tell if you were behind me at leaving the cinema last friday. No alcohol involved, just relative darkness etc. It's not something I possess in oodles, but something one can aspire to, can't one?
Anyway, during the time I just really didn't feel like blogging much, I've been trying to get out of the dip left by the high of the night of the performance (the higher the high, the lower the low?) which was great fun, and led to much hurt and drunk idiocy and trying to fit in without my wing-lady. It hurt the head and the soul, but dear therapist, who we ran into at the bar, said I looked really in my element. So, obviously, drunk and surrounded by relative strangers is where I really come into being me.***
Also during the non-blogging, 1 baby was born, a set of twins wasn't, and still isn't yet born, and then another baby. Are they handing them out for free or something? So including the twins, 4 are still to be born this year. Unless someone still has a surprise to tell me, I think that's quite plenty. One can only do so much baby-knitting in a year, can't they?
On a more serious note, the inevitable baby boom one encounters at this age does reinforce the notion of living life through others. People all around are getting settled, or at least have started a long process of doing up their dream home in order to get settled there. They are doing things that, I can only assume, make them happy in their being. So when those around us are taking the steps that some of us can't just yet, it is sometimes a little difficult to deal with those who don't appreciate what they have. While I'm very happy for people to vent their peeves (after all, that's what this blog is for sometimes) and make their own decisions about their lives, I'm often left baffled by the level of complaint and the decisions that are made. I'll have to go by the assumption that's just me not understanding others and their choices and remain silent in my bewilderment.****
Anyway, it's not all doom and gloom. Fancy me, being annoyed at not going out on an evening for feeling horrible? Uhuh, it happened, and again the next evening. I am still a bit bummed for missing the concert, but everything hurt, so sitting outside in the cold was not the best thing to do.
On my list is start Oboe lessons in the new school year, finally digitising a pattern, reading a few books and one day, maybe, book DH a ticket. You know, nice things. For now, I must continue knitting.
with this, for one of them unborn babs. 5 weeks to finish, or thereabouts. Oh, and send a bunch of postcard which have been sitting on a shelf for weeks. You know, now my head's out of my ass?
Disclaimer:
Due to the nature of my dwellings I encounter a lot of young parents, as well as in my personal, online and professional lives. My disbelief and bafflement can be contributed to all of you and no one in particular. Please assume I am talking about someone else. I probably am.
* Copyright to Louise J Hunt.
** No one in their right mind should want to own copyright to that.
*** Not really.
**** These things end up on the please kick my butt list
